• A 26-year-old New Yorker decided to get into sugar dating while she was between jobs. 
• After a rough first experience with a potential sugar daddy, she set a rule that every man must promise her a gift before she even considers a first date. 
• At her peak, she was making up to $16,000 a month, which mostly went towards saving up for graduate school.

In the past few months, we've chatted with sugar babies making anywhere from $3,000 to $12,000 a month. Some view sites like Seeking Arrangement or Arrangement.com as extensions of online dating — with a few more benefits. Others, however, treat their dates as work; their sugar daddies are like clients.

In our fifth interview with a sugar baby, we meet a 26-year-old New Yorker who only goes on first dates if a gift is promised, and once received $20,000 to discuss books on the phone. Read her full interview below, and if you have any questions, leave a comment below (politely, please) and she might just answer them.

How did you get your start?

"I started sugar babying when I was between jobs. I was just at home watching Netflix, and I saw this documentary about sugar babies and their lifestyle. This one girl said she received $3,000 to go on a date. Since I was unemployed, and I wasn't sure where I was going, I created an account. At first, I treated it like a normal dating site. I had pictures with my face and everything. Then I learned that you shouldn't so transparent about who you are — of course. Someone I knew found me on the site and told me I needed to hide myself, and my heart just dropped. I was like, 'Oh my god, oh my god, what was I thinking?'

"So I got completely off the site, but I had given my number out to one guy before that, and we dated for four months. It was very tumultuous. He was married, and he loved the idea of having this affair, and I fell into the whole gimmick. I didn't know better. He gave me a credit card, and I had a certain amount to spend on it. We would go shopping, and we were supposed to go to Paris together, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm getting $5,000 a month. He was spinning me in this web."

When did you get back on the site?

"After that relationship ended. At first, I was against dating a married man, but a lot of them are married. The ones you might have things in common with, or the ones you would be attracted to, they're married. I can think of a few who were well-known bachelors in the city, and they liked the site because the girls on the site aren't nearly as clingy — they want someone they can go on a beautiful date, go shopping, have this amazing fun time, but if they never text you again you won't bother them."

How much have you made on Seeking Arrangement?

"I stopped doing Seeking Arrangement for a little while, so I haven't made a lot recently. At my peak, I was making around $10,000 a month, sometimes up to $15,000 or $16,000 a month. Still, I'm super frugal. I might have YSL shoes and Louboutins, but I live in an apartment with roommates, and I just put away a lot of the money I've made because I want to go back to grad school. I'm still deciding exactly what I want to do, and in the interim, I've really been able to save a lot of money. When I get $5,000, the first thing I do is go to the bank and put all the money away."

Do you pay taxes on it?

"From what I've Googled and talking with my accountant, it seems like as long as the money is a gift, and it's under $10,000, it's tax-free. I ideally don't want to get audited, but they're just gifts. It's not like I worked for someone, and they're paying me — and these guys aren't paying me through their work or anything like that. I guess people can be mad that I don't pay taxes on it, but at the same time, when someone gives you a birthday gift that's a $200 gift card, or $200 in cash, do you think, Oh, I need to claim this? For me, it's just a gift for my time, or they just want to help me out, or it's an actual gift that they're buying for me."

Tell me about your first date.

"It wasn't a good experience. I was really nervous so I ended up having a mixed drink before meeting this guy for tea in the afternoon. I wanted to be a bit tipsy. I showed up, and he went over everything. He wanted an arrangement where he would pay $5,000 a month to see me twice a month. It felt like we were talking about clients at my company, only the company was me. He said, 'Oh, you seem wonderful. I'm also talking to this girl from NYU, and I think she would be great, but you're so beautiful. Let's see if we can go somewhere a little more private and kiss to see if there's chemistry.'

"Now today, I would never do that. I wouldn't even meet this kind of guy. But he kissed me and he tried to touch me, so I immediately pushed him away and left. I felt it was inappropriate, and the whole night I was thinking, Do I want this kind of arrangement with him? And the next day, he comes back and says, 'I'm sorry, the NYU girl is the right person to pursue this with. I wish you the best.' I remember being hurt by it, and thinking, Shoot, I thought he liked me, I thought this would be something. Come to find out months later he sends the same thing to me under a new profile."

After that bad experience, did you change the way you meet up with men?

"I have a few rules. I won't meet someone unless they offer some type of gift. And, of course, I only meet them in a public place. Some girls don't have these rules, and more power to them, and maybe I've lost out on great guys. My view is, Hey, you're supposed to be a wealthy person, you're supposed to be serious about this. If you're not willing to give me taxi money or something like that, then you're not that serious."

How do you get them to agree to that?

"I have a thing that I say that shows that I'm really serious, and I basically put the ball in their court. I say, 'I'm happy to meet, but I have a very serious job. I can't waste time. I would appreciate a gift to show sincerity.' The ones who say no, I don't see. The ones who say yes, and I like them, then I will see."

How has the gifts rule affected your dates?

"I've been able to find really generous men. I know it sounds crazy, but some guys do want to sit down with you and have a drink and give you $1,000. And it's just a gift to meet — absolutely nothing else. I've been on so many dates where if they're willing to give a gift, I'll go and meet them anywhere because it's free money.

"Then, I see how I feel, and hear what kind of arrangement they're thinking about. Maybe we'll go on a second date, and there will be dinner, and sometimes it will be followed by something more intimate. I treat it like normal dating at that point — see how I feel, see what I'm comfortable with. At the end of the day, the guys I want to have an arrangement with are the ones who are looking for chemistry. They're not looking for one 'wham bam thank you.' They actually want to get to know me. There are some people I have true chemistry with, and other ones, it's like, Thank you so much for the gift. I really appreciated meeting you. And I don't talk to them again. And sometimes, the guys don't reach out afterwards."

What have you gotten as a gift on the first date?

"The worst was $50. The best was $2,000 and a pair of Louboutins."

Wait, how did that happen?

"Basically, I suggested we meet at a cafe which was inside an expensive department store. After we met I said, 'Oh, I want to look at this pair of shoes.' And before I know it, boom, he pulled out his credit card. I was like, Yay this plan worked."

Is there anything you do before you meet your sugar daddies in real life?

"Before I meet them I try to find out who they are. I use a few apps, like Truecaller, or I'll Google a number to find out who a person is. If I can't find that out I'll ask more questions. To be honest I've never run into a serious issue with someone. I get a lot of messages so I go through and see which ones seem promising. The ones that don't seem promising, I just block them."

How many dates do you go on a week?

"I go on anywhere from three to 10 dates a week. It's usually in the evenings when I'm done with work, and I keep them all straight in my calendar. I've had days when I've gone on five dates in a row — one date to the next to the next. Usually I'll just be meeting people for a drink. It sort of becomes a job, but if you know how to do this correctly it can be lucrative when you're young. It's about youth and beauty and intelligence — a lot of these guys went to Harvard or Yale or Stanford, and you have to be intelligent because if not, they might want to sleep with you, but they won't want anything long term."

Why do you think these guys are on Seeking Arrangement?

"I've had an arrangement with a guy who just liked the idea of it. He's someone who likes to give gifts, and he liked the idea of having a special gift for me every time we saw each other. He thought it was more fun and less serious than dating. So with him, it felt like meeting a guy from OkCupid or something, except I got an awesome gift like a YSL bag every time I hung out with him.

"For the older guys, I think it's a mix. Some of them really want companionship. They just want a pretty girl to hang out with and talk to. They feel like they're helping you out with school and work and a future. Then there are the ones who are married, and they want a younger version of their wives, which sounds kind of weird. But some of them get so nostalgic about their earlier dates."

Why are you on Seeking Arrangement?

"I mean, the money. And, I don't know. I love it. I've been able to travel a lot — I've been to Europe, Miami, Vegas. I have met some really prominent people on that site, and I've been able to meet some really cool people and have amazing stories to share with my friends. Before this, I never had a pair of Louboutins. I never had a pair of Valentinos or Ferragamos, and here I am now, with five pairs of Louboutins. It's fun to have those things when you're young and living in New York."

Do you go on any normal dates?

"I'm still on normal dating sites like Bumble and OkCupid and Match. But I was dating these hedge fund Harvard, 32-year-old guys, hoping they would want something serious, but they just wanted to have fun. You date, hook up, and never hear from them. With this type of dating, it's the same exact guy who just wants to have fun, and at least in this case they pay my rent for three months.

"Obviously that's not every guy on there. There are also a lot of wealthy guys who are just lonely, and they want a girl to come over and cuddle. I know people are going to think that's a lie, but it's happened to me."

Have you ever stepped away from sugar dating?

"Around November, I started getting busy with my salaried job, and I kept finding 'salt,' or guys that were salty or fake. Salt looks just like sugar but doesn't taste like sugar — so these are guys who are pretending to be sugar daddies. But I can figure it out by talking to them for a minute. I ran into a lot of that in November, and I wasn't making the kind of money I was making before. So I got off the site and didn't use it as much, but then all of a sudden work slowed down, and boom, I'm back on the site. It's just like, you're looking at your cool items, and the things you have, and you're looking at your bank account, and you just think, Hmmm, I could go on a few more dates and change this situation. It's hard to stay away from free money.

"But the cost is that it's stalling me. It's time-consuming. You have to go on the site, send text messages, see if they're legit, and that takes up time. Plus, a lot of them have drama. They all say, 'I'm not looking for a girl with drama,' but they are the ones that have a ton of drama and you have to deal with that.

"There are also times when you're more intimate with somebody, and you're like, did I do that because of the money? Or did I do that because I actually like this person? Luckily whenever I've started to feel uncomfortable, I've been able to get out of that situation."

How often do you check in on how you're feeling?

"I'm constantly checking in all the time. When you push your limits, you start to think, Are you crossing the line? And I've told myself from the beginning that if I ever feel like I've gone too far, then I'm done."

What's the best sugar daddy experience you've had?

"There was a man I'd never met who sent me $20,000 over the course of four months. He sent me books in the mail and we would discuss the books. He just liked the whole mentor aspect. So I was his online sugar baby. Eventually he found someone who was close to where he lived, and that was the end of that. But obviously, he was a super generous, and a really nice guy. Definitely my favorite."

Looking back, what would you tell your younger self before she started sugar dating?

"It sounds so glamorous and yes, my experiences have been glamorous. It's nice to eat at Daniel and Per Se and have the gifts and the money. But the one thing you have to realize, whatever these guys are doing, they're paying for your time, and you need to remember that your time is the one thing you can't get back.

"You want to make sure you have your feet firmly on the ground and know what you want to do. Because I have lost myself along this way. There were six months when I wasn't serious about anything. I was just making money and not really doing anything. I wasn't focusing on if I want to go to grad school. And a lot of these guys will say they want to be your mentor and in some cases that's happened, but for the most part it's all talk and it never becomes anything. You meet them and you think, I'm going to be the next whatever. But they never really help you."

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SEE ALSO: Millions of college students are so terrified of loans they're turning to 'sugar daddies' for help paying for school

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• Talking about money with friends can be uncomfortable.
• But I learned that fibbing about your finances is only a temporary fix for FOMO — and it leads to more missing out on things later on.
• It's not always easy, but talking about money in my friendship can make them even more solid.

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• Sophie Turner admits to having a split personality when it comes to her hair given the dramatic difference between her natural blonde and the fiery-red look of Sansa Stark.
• Turner has had to change up her look quite a bit for roles, but she says she would never voluntarily shave her head for "fear of what it would look like."
• Then again, who knows what's going to happen with the "Game of Thrones" cast once the show finally comes to an end. 

Even without the bright auburn hair or the intricately woven braids, Sophie Turner is still very much her: Sansa Stark, the cunning, tenacious Lady of Winterfell (and one of last two surviving Stark children — unless you count Bran, which we don’t) on HBO's Game of Thrones. The role (and the defining red hue) has been part of the star's life since the age of 13, and although she may be back to her natural blond color now, its significance still remains.

During our interview, Turner swiftly shifts from serious to goofy, her tone changing when she discusses her character. "It's almost like I have a split personality," she says. "My redhead persona is Sansa — she's so strong and independent. So red, to me, is the ultimate strength. I'd like to think of it as my Sasha Fierce moment, but I'm no Beyoncé [laughs]. With the blond, it's like I'm back to being Sophie. That felt empowering as well, because I was leaving my teenage years behind and becoming a woman."

Winter isn’t over IRL, but the seventh (and penultimate) season of GoT is. Which is lucky for us, because the break from filming means Turner answered all the questions we’ve always wondered, ahead.

Her Genius Beach Beauty Trick

Anyone following Turner on Instagram knows she just got back from what appears to have been a relaxing vacation in the Maldives with fiancé Joe Jonas. But aside from the red cat-eye sunglasses and striped one-piece, there's one other essential she packed on the trip: heat-protectant spray.

"I know it's really strange, but the last couple holidays I have been putting heat protection in my hair before I go sunbathing," she laughs. "That way, when I come back from holiday, I don't feel like my hair is dried out. It's weird to me that people put so much importance on skin, and you put sun cream on your face, but no one ever does anything about their hair." (She, for the record, swears by the EIMI Thermal Image Heat Protection Spray from Wella Professionals, of which she's the global brand ambassador.)

On Hair Fake-Outs

Game of Thrones isn't meant to be realistic (there are gigantic flying dragons, for crying out loud), but the hair, more or less, is. Turner once shared that she dyed hers once a week for the part, but says it's now all fake.

"I could not count the number of wigs we use on that show if I wanted to — almost everyone wears one," she says, adding that even the most unsuspecting men in the series do. "A lot of the guys will have hair inserts glued on that they probably don't want people to know about, but it's true. Or they'll do beard wigs, or use little pieces of hair to fill in the gaps in their beards."

On Her Minimalistic Tattoo Collection 

"I had to bleach my hair for a movie that's coming out next month [Ed note: Josie] and I had all these badass tattoos all over my body. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, 'This is sofar from my redheaded, pale, clean-cut look.' That was really fun for me. I only have a few tattoos [in real life] — maybe three or four."

Turner lifts up her right hand to reveal five tally marks on her right ring finger. This, she explains, represents her five family members. Peeking out from the sleeves of her blouse, I notice a tiny wishbone on her wrist. But instead, she quickly showed me the invisible ink she got with co-star Maisie Williams. Turner says, "It's the date we both got Game of Thrones, but you can't really see it. I had a deal with my mum. I wanted a tattoo on my forearm and she said, 'If you want one, it has to be somewhere I can't see. It has to be discreet.' So I got it in peach so she wouldn’t be too offended by it, but I'll probably go over it with darker ink eventually."

The One Thing She'd Never Do For A Role

It goes without saying that Turner has had to transform a lot for her last few roles. (She describes the moment of dyeing her hair at 13 as "losing her identity.") But there's one line she might draw: "I don’t think I could voluntarily shave my head for fear of what it would look like. I have a tiny pea head and broad shoulders, so I don't think I could do a really short haircut."

But then Turner shoots a coy smile, tilts her head, and says, "But who knows? When Game of Thrones comes to an end, maybe I’ll have something of an Emma Watson cutting her hair short moment — maybe I’ll go crazy."

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• Earlier this year, designer Y/Project debuted thigh-high Ugg boots.
• This past Thursday, the designer elevated the look by adding stilettos to the boots. 
• The creative director calls it "putting your foot in a warm pot of butter."

Update: On Thursday, Y/Project and Ugg presented its final installment of the collaboration initially introduced in January during Paris Fashion Week Men’s. The pairing that was supposed to resemble “putting your foot in a warm pot of butter,” punctuated its offering with women’s versions of the thigh-high boots presented earlier this year, giving us the Classic Extra Long Stiletto (the thigh-high), the Classic Stiletto (the ankle boot), and finally, the Classic Mule (which looks just as it sounds), through a Y/Project lens, challenging the view of the Ugg boot as we know it.

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• A 29-year-old freelance graphic designer lives with her boyfriend in Missoula, Montana. 
• She makes about $18,000 per year and splits the $850 rent with her boyfriend. 
• This week, she spends part of her paycheck on snowboarding lessons and Juanita's Sweet Chili chips.

Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.

Today: a freelance graphic designer who makes about $18,000 per year and spends some of her paycheck this week on Juanita's tortilla chips.

Occupation: Freelance Graphic Designer
Industry: Design
Age: 29
Location: Missoula, MT
Salary: ~$18,000
Paycheck: ~$1,500 a month, pre-tax (varies, paid per project)

Monthly Expenses
Rent: $850, split with boyfriend
Student Loan Payments: $0. (My wonderful parents paid my in-state college tuition.)
Health Insurance: $212
Internet: $55
Cell Phone: $0. (Mom is still paying for now. Bless her.)
Electricity: $100
Spotify: $10.79
Netflix: $0. (I use my mom's account.)
Dropbox: $99
Car Insurance: $116 for our two cars. (Our van is still insured for Philadelphia, which makes it double the cost of our truck.)
Climbing Gym Membership: $0. (Boyfriend pays.)

Day one

8:30 a.m. — My boyfriend always gets up before me, which always wakes me up. I love it though: I get to roll around and scroll through the news and Instagram for a bit. It's Saturday so he's not working today. He makes us bacon, egg, and cheeses on everything bagels (which he made from scratch) with arugula on the side. We watch "The Daily Show" while we eat on the couch; Ricky Martin is the guest and I didn't expect him to be super interesting but he has amazing energy that is actually lovely.

11 a.m. — I'm getting my period in a week, so this is always a hard time of the month for me emotionally, plus I'm stressed about a project I have. I almost want to go cry in bed but I know I'll feel way better if I work out, so I go to the climbing gym with my BF. He's paying for my membership fee as a sort of birthday present. (It's his way of trying to convince me to get back into climbing.) I climb a 5.10b-rated route that was really hard for me the other day, and today it comes more easily to me. I'm so stoked about the progress I'm making! It's my birthday tomorrow and crushing this route was a goal for me.

2 p.m. — Back home, we drink smoothies and eat leftover meatballs in a marsala cream sauce I made late last night. I also sneak in the last piece of leftover pizza while BF is outside spreading salt on our icy sidewalk. I've been joking forever that all I want for my birthday is Papa John's pizza because BF thinks it's so gross (and it is), but he finally let it happen the other day in a fit of hunger. He's the best. We hang out and nap before going out tonight.

6 p.m. — We Uber downtown to go to a cool distillery for cocktails before dinner. BF has a whiskey sour and I have gin with grapefruit, basil, honey, and probably some other stuff. We have a hilarious and awkward encounter when a larger group at a two-top table sizes up the spots around us at the communal table and we end up switching places with them. They offer to pay for our drinks but we politely decline. BF is paying anyway since it's my birthday celebration. I pay for the Uber though. $9.66

7 p.m. — Fine dining opportunities are limited here in Montana, but we pick a place that at least has white tablecloths and looks decent. We enjoy the bread, soup, and salad courses, but we're underwhelmed by our entrées. My short rib is practically swimming in the red wine reduction and I can't even see my mashed potatoes. We get chocolate cake for dessert and it's pretty good. BF gets the Uber home.

9:30 p.m. — Our landlord's cat is waiting outside our house, so we let her in and pet her for a while. We can't have pets in our place, but we love to be with animals every chance we get. I wash my face, use my favorite Glossier serum, and watch bad TV in bed for an hour. ("The Four" is so stupid. They all sound and look like rejects from "The Voice.")

Daily Total: $9.66

Day two

9:30 a.m. — Happy birthday to me! I wake up to a few texts from friends and family. I didn't sleep great, so BF brings me tea and a buttered bagel in bed, and I watch "SNL" clips from last night.

1 a.m. — It's nice outside, so we go for a walk and talk about our plans for this year. We are moving in May, and I might be going to Europe then also, so the logistics are nagging at me.

12 p.m. — I browse Craigslist for apartments and then end up on Brandless, where I buy organic cotton rounds, two packs of organic beef jerky, shave gel, and maple cinnamon twisty things. Shipping is $1 since it's my first order with them (and I'm a sucker for a promo code). I look at ladles on Amazon but can't make up my mind. I'm very particular about my kitchen things being good quality. $16

2 p.m. — We're watching football playoffs today. BF makes pizza dough and then we make a pie with garlic cream sauce, sausage, cherry tomatoes, red onion, and arugula — my favorite! Except we forgot to make mozzarella. (My BF makes mozzarella at home. He's such a crazy weirdo, I love it.) So we make a plain one with olive oil, salt, and red pepper flakes.

3:30 p.m. — The Patriots are winning so we're cranky. I spot the landlord's cat when I'm taking out the trash, so we get some awesome cat therapy snuggles for a bit.

4 p.m. — I want to make cookies but we don't have enough butter so I walk to the corner store and get unsalted butter, eggs, and two bags of Juanita's Sweet Chili chips. Important side note: Juanita's are the best tortilla chips. (I've only seen them out West.) The flavored ones are what Dorito's should be. $14.19

5:30 p.m. — We watch the second playoff game and have cookies for dinner! We put a votive on top of one and BF sings a little "Happy Birthday" because I tell him to. I make a wish.

9 p.m. — Birds win! Not my wish but super awesome! BF is from the Philadelphia area so he's stoked his team is going to the Super Bowl. We met in Philly, so it's a second or third home for me, too. We head to bed early.

Daily Total: $30.19

Day three

9 a.m. — BF works East Coast hours so I hear him on a conference call when I wake up. We both work from home, which probably isn't ideal. (I work in bed and he gets the table.) We're still figuring out what we want to do long-term since we recently took a break to travel in a van we converted for about a year and a half. It's tricky at times to have an unconventional life, but we love the freedom.

10:30 a.m. — I make us smoothies with pineapple, frozen mangoes, strawberries, spinach, yogurt, milk, and juice, and cut up a kiwi to go on the side. It's a tropical morning inside while it snows outside.

1 p.m. — I've been struggling to come up with concepts for my current client. They've given me free rein, which is a good problem to have, but it makes it so hard for me to narrow down ideas. BF brings me little ham sandwiches on ciabatta he made (have I mentioned he's crazy and amazing?) and a LaCroix because he knows I'm cranky.

3 p.m. — Best part of my flexible work schedule: I can go to the grocery store during off hours. I get bananas, cilantro, cherry tomatoes, paper towels, vanilla extract, cheddar cheese, local organic butter, local flour, and local sliced bread. $42.31

4 p.m. — Score! Birthday cards from my best friend from back home and my mom, who gives me $250 without fail every birthday and Hanukkah. And packages arrived while I was out: a mid-thigh-length down coat from L.L.Bean that went on sale after I first ordered it. (I ordered it again and will return the first one, saving me $60!) I also got a throw pillow and a pack of cloth napkins from Target. We used to use paper towels with our meals and I'm so excited to switch to reusable napkins.

5:30 p.m. — BF is taking a nap so I start marinating chicken for dinner and make a yogurt sauce. I also set up the recurring payments on my health insurance for the year – one major downside of the freelance life. I'm very lucky that my family has been investing money for me all my life, but it does move me into a higher tax bracket. (Ergo, no subsidies on my health insurance and I have a crazy-high deductible.) Thankfully, I don't really use my insurance much. I got an IUD a couple years ago so I have no prescriptions.

6 p.m. — After BF gets up, I work out to a "Yoga With Adriene" video. Lots of repetitive vinyasas. Her videos always hit the spot. Then I cook the chicken, make rice, and chop up toppings for one of our favorite dinners: street cart chicken! As former East Coasters, it's a dish we're nostalgic for here in Montana where the ethnic food is limited. We use a recipe from the latest Smitten Kitchen cookbook and for once we manage to save a little for tomorrow.

7:30 p.m. — We hang out on the couch and look at houses and floor plans on Pinterest. We bought a piece of land last fall and hope to be able to build a house on it someday. For now it's just a field, but we'll hopefully plant a big garden there this spring. BF made early investments in Bitcoin and Ether, so he spends a lot of time tracking the charts since they're so volatile. We hope to make good use of his gains for our future.

9 p.m. — I'm super excited for season 3 of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars." When I try to set a recording, I realize I never watched the season 2 reunion. There goes my night.

Daily Total: $42.31

Day four

9 a.m. — I drink mint tea in bed while BF makes us breakfast: bacon, fried eggs, arugula, and sesame-encrusted bread he baked early this morning. We're so lucky to live like this. Granted I'm not saving right now, but I'll get there. I dive into last night's "Bachelor." So gross but I can't help myself.

11 a.m. — I smell another lazy day; I end up focusing more on my background TV than the work at hand, I can't seem to dig into this project. Maybe I should go to a coffee shop one of these days.

1 p.m. — I heat up my leftovers and make BF a sandwich since he's stuck on a call.

4 p.m. — Finally picked a ladle I like on Amazon, and get a new dishwashing brush, too. The brush is $10, which seems kind of ridiculous, but it's made of natural materials. I'm trying to minimize our use of plastic, so it's worth the extra money to me. I just wish I didn't have to order it online because I know they'll throw plastic filler in the box they ship it in, but the store doesn't have all-wood brushes. $19.98

5 p.m. — We have smoothies before we go to the climbing gym with apple, pineapple, banana, almond butter, frozen mangoes and strawberries, milk, yogurt, juice, and a sprinkle of bee pollen. I have no idea what the pollen does but we've had it sitting around, so what the heck.

5:30 p.m. — We met friends at the climbing gym, which was nice but meant we stayed a little longer than normal. I did climb a 5.10c route, though, so that was cool! I need to get stronger so I'm not exhausted after just a few routes.

8 p.m. — I whip up a Thai noodle dish (pad see ew, which I get at literally every Thai restaurant I go to) in a sweet soy sauce with bok choi, broccoli, and carrot. We wolf it down on the couch watching "Black-ish," have cookies and milk for dessert, and pet the landlord's cat for a bit before bed.

Daily Total: $19.98

Day five

9 a.m. — One of those mornings where I feel dead asleep like a rock but also very aware of what I'm dreaming about. BF pops in to wake me up for real. We're hopefully going snowboarding today after he does a few hours of work. This will be our second attempt this winter: Since we officially live in Montana now, we're trying to take advantage of all the outdoors things, and all our friends snowboard. The first lesson was brutal and I pray this time won't be as rough.

9:30 a.m. — I force down Cold-Eeze gummies because I woke up feeling a little sick. BF brings me tea to huff over while he makes breakfast. He probably does more than his fair share since I'm a bit of a princess, but I think it all shakes out sort of evenly because I do a lot to keep the house running, like making sure all our bills are paid and doing laundry. I want to stay in bed and watch figure skating videos (they always make me feel better and I'm looking forward to the Olympics) but I drag myself out to the couch so we can eat together. The plate of migas he gives me makes my stomach turn a little, but I still eat most of it hoping it will make me feel better while we watch "The Daily Show."

11 a.m. — I can't make up my mind about whether we should go snowboard, but we're supposed to go to Big Sky in a couple of weeks with friends and I hope to be able to do some of the easiest runs when we're there. We suit up and I put on a thick layer of face moisturizer to prep for the outdoors.

11:30 a.m. — We get gas and start the half hour drive up to the hill. It's awesome to have all this great, inexpensive recreation nearby! It's been pretty warm so the road is wet and dirty and our car gets covered in a layer of grime. I kind of love it. Shows we've been out there! $47.76

12 p.m. — Our snowboard practice costs $21 each (I pay for us both), including the rope tow on the bunny hill. I'm still not as good as I'd like to be, and I know I should cut myself some slack, but I can't help but compare myself to my BF curving down the hill effortlessly. I'm sending up huge sprays of snow as I bail out of heel-edge turns. This shit is terrifying and I don't know how I'll manage on a real run with other people zooming around. A posse of little kids learning to ski on the bunny hill rolls around adorably in the snow. $42

2 p.m. — Despite my struggles (and one breakdown because I cry when I'm frustrated), it was a great afternoon. We stop at a deli I've been wanting to try and get an Italian sandwich, a turkey pesto one, a pickle from the barrel, and a blood orange San Pellegrino. Turns out the slaw on the Italian is mayo-based and BF won't touch it, but that's OK with me. $25.20

3 p.m. — I vent to BF about my current project a little. He tries to help but he's an engineer, so talking about design with him can be frustrating. I reply to an email from my client and try to slip in some of my issues. Hopefully she doesn't think I'm being a total pain in the a--!

4 p.m. — Lazy afternoon; BF takes a nap and I get into those skating videos. I tell myself I'm getting better at judging the performances but there are tons of people in the YouTube comments with insane knowledge so I just read what they say and pretend I thought it too. It's really fun seeing the ladies I watched in the Olympics from 1998-2006 when I was into ice skating. I remember all the outfits and Michelle Kwan's Chinese dragon necklace that I totally copied in middle school. #Fangirl.

7 p.m. — I watch "Fixer Upper" with my BF. They work on a tiny cabin, which is right up our alley. Then I catch the second episode of "The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story." It feels like all other Ryan Murphy stuff in that I kind of hate it but I keep watching until I lose interest or something better comes along.

10 p.m. — I put on a charcoal mask because I feel a zit brewing on my cheek and get in bed, focusing in on a crossword puzzle.

Daily Total: $114.96

Day six

9:30 a.m. — Wake up with a sore neck – I must've fallen harder than I realized yesterday. We have one bagel left so BF makes a bacon, egg, and cheese and we each eat half.

12 p.m. — I want to get out to see if working somewhere else can help me focus better, but I know the café at the grocery store will be super busy right now. I decide to wait it out and make a smoothie with milk, juice, yogurt, apple, pineapple, banana, almond butter, bee pollen, and frozen blueberries. It's kind of a weird mixture but comes out in a pretty color! I watch "Riverdale" while I wait for the lunch rush to ease up but then end up just walking to a coffee shop nearby. We don't really need much from the store anyway.

1:30 p.m. — Wow, this coffee shop is actually kind of cool. Go, Montana! It's also kind of tiny so I'm at the cramped bar with my cappuccino, but I manage to make good progress on this project. $3

3 p.m. — I hit a wall and buy a cardamom snickerdoodle cookie to help me along. It's pretty good but I only last 20 more minutes. $5.25

4 p.m. — BF baked ciabatta while I was gone. I truly live Oprah's bread dream. We snack and catch up — and my latest Glossier purchase arrives! I can't wait to cover my face in acid and also read and reread all the instructions and ingredients, probably while peeing.

5 p.m. — BF's dad and stepmom got us two Hello Fresh gift certificates for Christmas and our first box came yesterday; we're trying the first meal tonight. BF is most excited about the orange cashew chicken so I get the rice and sauce going. Before I finish, it's time for "RuPaul's Drag Race." This is live TV, not a drill!

7 p.m. — The Hello Fresh was a really sweet gift idea and it's tasty, but the chicken has a funny texture. On TV, BenDeLaCreme comes with the shocking elimination selection! Even though I adore Aja, I've gotta give it up: DeLa definitely deserved to win this one.

9 p.m. — We're already getting ready for bed. We're such boring old people. I tried putting on my new face acid with toilet paper (still awaiting my new cotton rounds) and I get tons of little flakes of paper stuck to me. My face feels smooth though! BF helps me struggle with last night's crossword some more. He comes up with "peekable" for the clue, "see-through." So groan-inducing.

Daily Total: $8.25

Day seven

6:45 a.m. — I can't get back to sleep after hearing BF get up. I dive into the "RuPaul's Drag Race" sub-Reddit. The fan theories and dirt on there is exceptional.

8:30 a.m. — Email from another client; I forgot this project would be starting so soon and I hope I can juggle both projects at once. This one is at least a recurring project I've been doing for a few years now, so I can kind of do it on autopilot if I want to. The style could really use a big refresh at this point but I don't know if I have the bandwidth to go there now. Maybe I'll devote time to inspiration and templating when things calm down with the larger project.

12 p.m. — I work on more concepts for the first client, and do that thing where you write an email, edit it a couple of times, look at something else for 10 minutes, and then hit send without looking at it. (Is that a thing?) She replies back quickly, very pleased. Holy farts, what a relief! We were thinking about going snowboarding again today because it's been snowing off and on the past couple days, but I feel like today might be better for working and running errands. (Even though the hill will be more crowded on the weekend.)

1 p.m. — I make mac and cheese with broccoli and ham and side salads. Turns out I was wrong about having a productive afternoon. Aunt Flo is here!

2 p.m. — Since I work at home, I make a point to go outside for just a little bit every day. I walk over to a UPS drop box to send my L.L.Bean coat back. I stop at CVS, too, to get a few boxes of tissues ($5), black nail polish (my favorite toe color — $3), and a mint Oreo candy bar ($1.22). It tastes like a crunchy Andes mint and I love it. As I walk up my street I see a deer cross the road, which is totally normal here. Sometimes I feel bad about being a transplant and inadvertently contributing to the growth and sprawl that is going on, but that's just the way it is I guess. $9.22

4 p.m. — Lie down with BF while he naps but I'm too wound up from my walk so I watch TV on my phone. I'm seriously craving carbs but BF talks me off the Domino's ledge and into spaghetti and meatballs.

5 p.m. — We watch "The Good Place" while we eat. We don't often watch shows together but we stumbled on this one and both really love it so it's nice to save it to watch together.

7 p.m. — I look at flights to Europe, and also home for a wedding this summer. It's so freaking expensive to fly anywhere from here, which kinda drives me nuts. I also really hate flying after two years of being able to drive everywhere in our van; there's nothing like being on the road and then being able to stop, make a nice lunch in the kitchen, and stretch your legs before continuing on your journey. I'm not making any decisions tonight, so my bank account is safe for now.

9 p.m. — I pop over to Backcountry.com to see if anything good is on sale. I've been monitoring prices on Ibex stuff since they're going out of business. Do I need a third wool shirt? Probably not, but I wear them almost every day in the fall and winter, so yes ($68). I also need snowboarding lenses for sunny days and find some that fit my frames on sale for $33. I ogle a Patagonia duffel in bright violet as well, which I'd love to have for Europe this spring, but I've been on a spending bender lately so I'm just going to add that to my wish list. $101

10:30 p.m. — Definitely time to get off the computer. I hope I'm feeling up to doing physical activity tomorrow, especially since I think BF is going to make another batch of bagels…

Daily Total: $110.22

The breakdown

Weekly total spent: $335.57

Food & Drink: $107.17

Entertainment: $75

Home & Health: $19.98

Clothes & Beauty: $76

Transport: $57.42

Other: $0

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• Anok Yai caught the fashion world's attention last year after photos of her at Howard University's homecoming went viral.
• The 19-year-old is now modeling exclusively with Prada.
• She is the first black model to open a Prada show since Naomi Campbell in 1997.

When Prada presented its fall 2018 show in Milan, it was a historic moment, and not because the Italian label declared that neon was officially back. Miuccia Prada casted Anok Yai to open her show, the first Black woman to do so since Naomi Campbell in 1997. Yai knows what a big deal it is, in fact the 19-year-old confirmed to Refinery29 she's exclusively working with the Italian fashion house, meaning we won't see her on any Paris Fashion Week runways.

"I've always wanted to model since I was young, but I didn't know how to get into the industry," Yai tells Refinery29. "I remember growing up watching "America's Next Top Model" and staying up late at night searching for videos of Naomi Campbell (whom she looks up to along with Grace Jones) on YouTube."

Prada was the first brand to reach out to the Egyptian-born, Sudanese model after Twitter boosted a photo of her at Howard University's homecoming in D.C. At the time, Yai attended Plymouth State University in New Hampshire, majoring in biochemistry. Now, in addition to the major projects she has in the works, she's transferring to a school in New York that will allow her to to study online so she can keep up on classes when she's traveling.

Opening Prada was the one of the most "exciting and nerve-wracking" experiences of Yai's life. It was only the second show she walked in, so she says she "was somewhat relaxed until I found out I was opening." Previously, she's appeared on one other Prada runway and in a campaign for the brand, shot by Willy Vanderperre. "It was an honor and I'm proud that I was the one chosen to open, but this is bigger than me. Me opening for one of the top fashion houses is a statement to the world — especially for Black women — that their beauty is something that deserves to be celebrated,"she told Vogue of the moment.

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Day one

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• Mtn Peaks Therapy Llamas & Alpacas, an animal-therapy center in Washington, is offering couples the chance to invite dressed up animals to their wedding receptions. 
• The llamas and alpacas come dressed in their best wedding attire, ready to party and take endless photos.
• All of the proceeds go towards the organization's therapy and education program. 

This is going to sound like an episode of Portlandia, in a completely non-annoying way: An animal-therapy center in Brush Prairie, WA, is offering couples the chance to invite llamas to their wedding receptions.

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• A woman got engaged to her husband thinking he made $15 an hour as a brewer. 
• She found out after their engagement that he had a nearly $2 million dollar trust fund. 
• While the two do occasionally splurge on nice dinners, they tend to live a simple life. 
• Knowing how to invest and use the trust fund money responsibly has been stressful for the couple. 

In the two years since we began Money Diaries, we've received hundreds of submissions from fascinating women the world over with a variety of jobs, salaries, spending habits, cultural backgrounds, hobbies, side hustles, and dating lives.

One reason we love Money Diaries is that it shows us how real women think about money. We're starting a series of interviews in which women discuss aspects of their financial lives that they are reluctant to share in the world.

Today, we chat with a 28-year-old marketing manager from Maine about how marriage changed her finances.

J.* met her now-husband on OkCupid when she was a young twenty-something trying to make ends meet. She thought he was, too — he didn't have a job, and she was often the one footing the bill — but then, a year into their relationship, he revealed he had a trust fund worth $2 million.

*Name has been changed for anonymity.

Let's start at the beginning. Tell me about when you met.

"At the time, he was still in college and I was making an entry-level, new grad salary. I assumed he was a broke college student because he didn't have a job, so for the first several months of our relationship, I insisted on paying for everything.

"We had a very short whirlwind romance, and when he graduated, we decided to move in together. At the time, my biggest concern was: What happens if he can't find a job? I knew I needed to be financially stable and find a place I could afford on my own so that I didn't have to depend on him; that's when he started revealing that he had savings. I was just like, okay, great, because I assumed it was only enough to last us a month. But he assured me he had more than that. So I asked him if it was enough to make rent for a year without a job. And, to my surprise, he said yes.

"That was our first conversation where I was like, huh. I figured maybe he had $50,000 saved. At that point in my life, even $500 in savings was a big deal. A few months later, we got engaged and I still didn't know the full scope of it. I was just relieved to know that I wasn't getting myself into financial trouble."

How much money do you and your husband make yearly?

"I make about $76,000 a year plus bonuses, and he makes $15/hour as a brewer. It works out to be about $30,000 a year – sometimes more and sometimes less. But it's something he loves doing, even though he makes no money doing it. He also gets a distribution from his trust fund, which goes up every year. This year was about $42,000."

After you got engaged, how did he first tell you about the trust fund?

"Well, it wasn't until we were like, 'How the heck are we gonna pay for this wedding?'

"My parents wanted to have this huge wedding, and we wanted a very tiny one. One day he just dropped this bomb of: 'I'll pay for it.' I didn't want him to wipe out his savings account for our wedding, though, so I wouldn't let him. But he insisted. He wanted me to have the wedding I wanted, and that meant him paying for it. That was the moment where I was like, 'Okay we need to talk. We're getting married. I need to know what's really going on here.'

"So he sat me down and told me that in high school, he inherited a trust fund of about $1.9 million, an account with stocks worth about $140,000, and a bunch of property and tangible assets worth about $75,000-$100,000 altogether. I was like, What?! I can't remember the exact conversation, but I remember calling my friend immediately after. Not in a 'Hey, I won the lottery' sort of way, but in an 'Oh my God, help me process this because I never thought this would be my life' sort of way. I always just expected to be middle income my whole life. I figured I'd be the primary breadwinner between the two of us.

"My friend was great and just kind of reminded me that I wanted to marry him before I knew this information, so it didn't change anything. She told me to just take a deep breath and be grateful for the opportunities that this would bring. She kind of talked me off a ledge because I was just in shock. It was like: 'This isn't an issue, just new information. Let's walk through it.' My close friends have been great and supportive – they haven't changed or treated me any differently since finding out."

How did your family react to the news?

"Well, when I first told my parents I was moving in with him, they were very concerned about the fact that he didn't have a job. At the time, all I knew was that he had some savings, which I told my mom. She asked, 'Have you seen his bank account? Why do you trust him?' because she really didn't know him that well at that point. I assured her that I trusted him and that he had never given me any reason not to believe him.

"And then when I told them he was going to pay for the wedding, I think they were a bit upset. The only leverage they had over our wedding was that they were going to pay for it, and here I was basically finding a loophole. So that's when I told my parents about the trust fund. My mom's first reaction was: 'Then why doesn't he drive a BMW?'

"I always think back on that, because my mom grew up in a time and place where, if you had access to lots of wealth, you drove a BMW. The funniest part of all this is that my husband drives a used Subaru that he loves."

Do you tell a lot of people?

"I can tell whomever I want, but we both like to keep it on a need-to-know basis and close to our chests, just because we don't want people to look at us differently or treat us like an ATM. And I don't want my employer to know because I want to be paid what I'm worth.

"I also don't like the stigma associated with what some people might call 'trust-fund babies.' This is something I've seen written about in the comments section of multiple Money Diaries. I get a little defensive because even though my husband does fit into the literal definition, I don't think he falls into that stereotype at all."

How did you grow up thinking about money and has that changed?

"Basically, I’m from a very blue-collar background. My dad didn't go to college. My parents do alright, but they worked hard to get where they are. I started working when I was 14, and I've been working my ass off ever since. My parents taught me at a young age to really protect my credit and save as much as possible, and as a result, I think I was always really terrified when it came to finances.

"So when I met my husband, it wasn't like these money anxieties went away — they just changed. I'm terrified of people I'm trying to become friends with finding out about our situation and then looking at me differently. And I worry about all the maintenance that goes into this — my husband and I are both intelligent people, but we're not finance experts. Are we doing things right and checking all the boxes we are supposed to?

"We think of his inheritance as a gift, but also as a huge responsibility. His family worked hard to save all that money, and we don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. There's a lot that goes into maintaining it, and my parents don't have the personal experience to give me financial advice (in terms of making investments, finding a trustworthy financial planner, and long-term estate and tax planning).

"Meanwhile, most financial planning websites geared toward people our age focus on paying off student debt, basic retirement options, etc. It's isolating and can be overwhelming. We're doing the best we can, but there's always this sense of, I hope we don't screw this up. I obviously don't expect anyone to feel bad for me, though."

Is there a certain peace of mind that comes with your financial stability?

"Absolutely. I didn't expect this or go looking for it, but I guess in some ways I did hit the lottery. I have a wonderful husband who I loved when I thought he was broke, and it turns out he's not. And so the way we always talk about it is that we have this wonderful safety net. That's part of the reason we don't spend the distribution from the trust that he gets every year. We just put it in savings and if anything happens, any emergency, we have a way to help. Money isn't a limiting factor, and that's why we don't spend it — so that we have it."

Do you have a prenuptial agreement? 

"When we first got engaged, I immediately offered to sign a prenup because I thought it would protect both of us, but my husband insisted against it. In recent months, as we've discussed putting my name on some of the money, I've offered to sign a postnup but he's very against the idea. I think it is really clear to him that I'm not a gold digger, and I think he has always felt like signing an agreement would be bad karma.

"Still, I've always been very clear about the fact that if we ever divorce, I won't go after the bulk of his estate or anything but we'll have to have a conversation. Because of the trust fund, we haven't saved for retirement because we haven't needed to. I would have started saving long ago if I'd married anyone else. I'm very conservative when it comes to money.

"I'm sure his mom and financial advisor would be more comfortable if we had a prenup, but he just has no desire, like it would almost put a [bad] omen on our relationship."

Does the money feel like joint money?

"We agreed when we got married that everything my husband has full ownership and control over belongs to both of us equally. Ever since he decided to become a brewer, he's been broke as far as salary. My salary has continued to go up every year. So I've supported him in that sense, basically. We don't count dollars. He's just my husband, and everything is joint. If something were to happen to him, it would all go to me. And if we were to break up, we'd split things evenly."

Has your financial situation ever caused tension between you and a friend or family member?

"Definitely. My sister had a baby a few years ago that had some health issues for the first year of his life. Thank god he is totally fine now, but during that first year, we were all pretty scared. After talking to my husband, I told my sister that if money was an issue or if she needed to take a year off of work, I would be happy to help her financially because I didn't want her juggling a job and a sick child at the same time. I didn't want money to be a factor if her baby needed a treatment.

"The thing is, she's my older sister by nearly a decade. She and her husband do really well for themselves – it's not as if they're broke. I think she knew the offer was coming from a place of love and she appreciated it, but on the other hand, it was a little insulting to have her little sister offer to pay her medical bills. So she said no, and kind of shut it down right away. But I still stand by saying it and to this day, if she came to me and said she had a legit need, I would, of course, help her."

Have you indulged in any luxuries or big expenses that wouldn't have if your financial situation were different? 

"There have been some big-ticket items. My husband paid off my student loans when we got married, and he bought me a car — which I still can't believe. I qualified for it on my own and I got my loan, but he qualified for better deals. We can basically treat our salaries as fun money after we pay our rent. We choose to live in a shitty apartment because we're both cheap, but that means we have a lot of discretionary income. So we don't bat an eyelash at going out to expensive dinners, and we travel a lot more than most people.

"It's funny, though. When my husband graduated from college, he bought himself a $30,000 Hyundai — basically the cheapest sports car you can buy. That was his biggest splurge for himself and he regretted it every day afterward. And so, after each getting our two new cars, we decided that we would never buy new cars again. They depreciate and having fancy cars just isn't a priority for us."

Are you planning to have kids? How has your financial situation impacted that decision? 

"We do want to have kids, and we've always talked about the fact that I want to be a stay-at-home mom. That's always been a dream of mine.

"I don't think that's a choice most people can make. A lot of women — my best friend, for example — would love to be a full-time stay-at-home mom with no other responsibilities, but that's just not realistic for her. Basically, what we decided is that in the early years when our kids are home, we'll use the trust fund distribution to replace my salary so I can stay at home with them. Whether I work part-time and we get a nanny or I leave my work altogether, my husband is very supportive. No matter what we decide, we'll be able to make it work, and I don't take that for granted.

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Today, a 34-year-old nurse practitioner in New Jersey talks about how she learned to negotiate.

Starting salary: $30/hour
Current salary: ~$145,000-$160,000, depending on the number of shifts and productivity
Number of years employed: 10
Biggest salary jump: ~$80,000
Biggest salary drop: $8,000-$10,000

Biggest salary regret: "Staying so long at my previous job where I underpaid. Even though we got raises annually, they were only $0.25/hour raises — and no one ever explained what to do to earn more. I regret this job because I allowed someone to take advantage of me without fair compensation. I should have demanded more, showed them other rates for nurses, and gotten when I deserved — or left. As women, we take so much on and people don't realize it because that's just expected. Not to sound corny, but Drake was right when he said, 'Know yourself, know your worth.'"

Best salary-related advice: "You have to ask for what you want sometimes. I make great pay now but my job is very serious and I work a lot of long hours. I have asked for other things from my job to make my and my family's lives easier, including cheaper health insurance deductions from my paycheck (meaning my job pays for more), which they agreed to. I pay $200 biweekly for myself, my spouse, and our two kids, and [my job] pays about $800 biweekly. I couldn't afford to take care of all the family bills and pay $2,000 a month to cover us all for health insurance. Sometimes, I bargain with them when I work longer weeks, or when I pick up an extra shift; I'll ask for an additional differential — a "diff"— to my regular rate to make up for time lost with my family. The other girls I work with are never afraid to ask for what they want, seeing that makes me believe that it's okay to feel like you are worth more and to ask for it. The worst that can happen is being told no, but at least you asked — and hopefully you get a reason why."

"I have two bachelor's degrees. After I finished the first in exercise science in 2005, I considered getting my doctorate in physical therapy. On a whim, I looked up nursing degrees and decided to apply for an accelerated, 11-month Bachelor's of Science in Nursing (BSN) program, which I started in 2007. At age 24, I started my career as a registered nurse (RN) working eight-hour night shifts, five days a week.

"I was a women's health nurse and my base salary $30/hour plus $4 night diffs. In hospitals — or any establishment, I imagine, with a night shift — you get extra pay for working at certain times of the day. For anything after 7 p.m., you usually you get a night differential. Sometimes it can be 11 p.m. depending on whether it is a an eight or 12-hour; there are even evening differentials, which usually start at 3 p.m. Due to my history of night work, I could make a few thousand extra dollars a year because of this differential. All told, this was about $70,000 a year plus benefits (which cost $70 every two weeks).

"I also started working to obtain my master's at this time because of the great reimbursement plans they had. You could receive $10,000 a year for masters or doctorate work. I worked full time on night shifts and went to school full time to obtain my degree. In my two and a half years here, I got up to about $31.50/hour as my base right after yearly raises."

"In, 2010 got a job in NYC at a prestigious hospital in labor and delivery. My base salary was $40/hour plus $3 night diffs, and I did about 13 12-hour shifts each month. My health benefits cost about $50 every two weeks. In total, my yearly salary was probably around $84,000.

"[Because of my new commute], I had to pay the toll for the George Washington Bridge. I refused to pay for parking, which would have cost $180 a month, so I'd get to my shifts early and find parking on the street.

"Even though it was difficult to commute, especially after Hurricane Sandy, this was the most beneficial experience I've had in my nursing career. When people see this hospital on my résumé, I usually get a call just because I worked there."

"I got pregnant in my second year here and got married, so my health benefits increased to about $80 every two weeks to cover my husband. I also stopped going to school because this new job was harder than my previous job. Learning the ropes of labor and delivery meant I had to put school on the back burner."

"By the end of my two years here, I ended up making about $42.32/hour as my base salary."

"In 2013, I went back to working at a hospital in New Jersey, still in labor and delivery. My starting salary was $35/hour plus $3.75 night diffs — about $70,000 a year. Health benefits for my family cost nearly $200 every two weeks.

"Taking this job resulted in a pay cut of about $8,000 a year, but not commuting into the city (and paying the bridge toll) saved me some money. I attempted to negotiate when I started, but I had just given birth to my first child and the job was only a mile away from my home. I took the job knowing that I should be paid more, but I was happy to be close to home. After about three years here, I made close to $39/hour."

"I re-enrolled in my master's program again to obtain my nurse practitioner degree, and stopped working full time. Staying on as a per diem employee (meaning I worked as needed) resulted in a $1 raise in salary, up to $40/hour as my base. I regret not trying to get more per diem because I was constantly performing charge nurse duties and staying around to help since this hospital was always short staffed.

"A $1 raise wasn't nearly enough. There's usually at least a $5 adjustment in pay for being an as-needed employee. This was my third RN job, and it set me back. By the end of my time here, I had two bachelor's degrees and a master's, but I was still underpaid and made less than some of my counterparts with less experience.

"In my three years at this job as a full-time employee, I had three different managers that were fired (and sued) for favoritism and discrimination. It's possible that this is why I didn't make as much as some other people did."

"My fourth and current job is in New York State. I started it in 2016 and make $70/hour on the day shift and $80/hour for nights. Plus, I get productivity pay based on the number of patients I see. (A nurse practitioner is expected to see at least one patient an hour. In a 12-hour shift, we are expected to see about 15 patients, and if we see any patients over that, we get paid an extra $35 dollars per patient.)

"This was the biggest raise I've received and it was also a career change after finishing school and taking my boards. My salary doubled from my previous job, and I am still working per diem as registered nurse with a couple of shifts every month. Currently, I make anywhere from $145,000-$170,000 a year depending on how many shifts I obtain. Some months, I work a bare minimum of 12 — but I usually do about 15-17 shifts a month.

"When I first became an NP, I was just happy to just have a job. Luckily, where I am now, the other NPs (who have been here) longer negotiated the pay raise we are at now. We were doing the same amount of work as the doctors in our group, but being paid significantly less. An MD probably makes $300,000-$350,000 depending on experience; the NPs here were barely making $100,000 — but literally doing the same job with the same expectations.

"I got the raise, and honestly, although it is a great income, there are days it doesn't feel like it's enough; this job is so mentally and physically draining. My husband and I agreed that he would stop working while he's in school getting his master's. I negotiated for my job to pay more for my health benefits. Normally, full-time benefits cost about $1,000 every two weeks. I pay $200 every two weeks. I manage all of our bills, and we have two kids now. I work four to five nights each week doing 12-hours shifts in a row before I go home to take care of my kids."

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NOW WATCH: The surprising reason why NASA hasn't sent humans to Mars yet

• Hair dye commonly uses harsh chemical components that can make your hair weak and brittle. 
• However, a research team at Northwestern University used a naturally black carbon material, graphene, to dye platinum hair black. 
• The material is non-toxic, anti-static, and antibacterial — so you shouldn't have to wash your hair as often as you're used to.
  

When I was 15 years old, my aunt told me to never dye my hair. "It'll never be the same again," she said. "You'll damage it beyond repair." Although her scare tactic wasn't entirely sound, there is some truth in it. Permanently dyeing your hair often involves harsh chemical components — like ammonia, peroxide, or paraphenylenediamine — that can make your hair weak and brittle, changing the structure of your strands in the process; it could even cause allergic reactions. The more you dye it, the more damage you create. This is just a necessary evil most of us who color our hair accept... but we might not have to.

A research team at Northwestern University recently discovered an alternative to the damaging dyes of yore, and it could mean a very bright future for hair color innovation. Materials scientist Jiaxing Huang and his research team recently published a study in the journal Chemhypothesizing that a naturally black carbon material, graphene, can be used as a successful hair dyeing agent. Their experiment included spritzing a platinum blond hair sample with a graphene and water-based solution, brushing it, then letting it dry (either by air or blow dryer). The result: natural-looking black hair.

Huang and his team found that the new color, which coats strands rather than penetrating them, can last up to 30 washes, which technically qualifies it as a permanent dye alternative. But what's even more intriguing is that this dyeing dupe is pretty magical for more than the one damage-free reason. This nontoxic substance is also anti-static, antibacterial — so you shouldn't have to wash your hair as often as you're used to — and can regulate heat on your head. And just as a very extra bonus: The carbon coating carries an electric current, which means that somewhere in the near future, you'll be able to wear color-changing hair accessories controlled by an LED source.

Of course, there's a catch and that is that at the moment, this graphene dye only works for dyeing your hair black or brown. Also, don't rush to your local Ulta to search for a box of this stuff already on the shelf. Huang told Co.Design that he's "optimistic" about the graphene solution eventually being sold in stores — but until then, we'll have to keep those standing six-week salon appointments intact. In the meantime, stock up on some Olaplex, do your research, and cross your fingers for this innovation to find its way to your scalp sooner rather than later.

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NOW WATCH: In 50 years we'll have 'robot angels' and will be able to merge our brains with AI, according to technology experts

• A 25-year-old woman living in New York City explains what it was like to dabble in sugar dating on and off for three years. 
• Feeling anxious to move out of her parent's home after graduation, she signed up for SeekingArrangement where she began meeting with different sugar daddies. 
• She regrets dropping the ball on her career and not putting her sugar dating money towards savings rather than expensive clothing. 
• She would agree that sugar dating could be considered sex work. 

In parts one and two of our interviews with sugar babies, we chatted with a woman who views the scene as a job, and another who looks at it as a serious relationship. Both parties, however, differentiated what they do from sex work — a view much contested in the comments.

For our third interview, we talked with Lily, a 25-year-old in New York City who dabbled in sugar dating on and off for three years. Ahead, she spills everything — including how much she charged per date, and why she ultimately left the scene.

This interview is part three of our series about sugar babies. It has been edited and condensed for clarity. Names have been changed. Have a story you'd like to share? Email us here.

Tell me about yourself — what were you doing when you decided to try sugar dating?

"I graduated from school in 2014, and after that, I moved back home and started working at a designer shoe store downtown. I was making $12 an hour plus commission. When I started, I had hoped a lot of people would come in and spend a lot of money, but in reality, it was really slow most of the time. I was probably just getting $400 a week or so.

"I really wanted to move out of my parents’ place, though, so when I met a girl who was on SeekingArrangement.com, and she told me how she had a lot of extra cushion, I decided to move out and joined."

What types of messages did you get when you were on the site?

"I got all sorts of guys. I got a guy with a foot fetish who wrote a long paragraph asking me to send him my dirty socks. He told me he would pay for my socks and buy me new socks in exchange. He offered me like $10 for my socks. I didn’t reply because it wasn’t something I was willing to go to the post office for, but it was an icebreaker for when I met other people.

"I also got long paragraphs from guys explaining who they were and what their situation was — if they were married, why they were on the site, stating exactly what they were willing to pay, exactly what they were expecting. I was seeing anywhere from $300 to $2,000 a date, and probably all of them were expecting sex. Then there were also messages like, ‘Hey what’s up.’ I was more inclined to respond to someone who wrote a custom note, though.

"A lot of them were married, but that was a deal breaker for me. I’m all for open relationships, but I don’t feel comfortable being a part of something a guy is keeping from his wife."

Were you nervous about meeting the men off the site?

"I’ve always kind of liked older men, and I have a fantasy of being with a much older guy, so it didn’t really scare me that much sexually. I was more scared of meeting strangers, and I was scared of my family and friends finding out about it. A lot of people use fake names, so there’s no real way to verify them. I would always exchange messages with them for a day or two, and then I would figure out if they gave me a Google Voice number or not. If they gave me a fake number, then I wouldn’t give them my real number, because there wasn’t any mutual trust involved. I’d also require a picture before meeting.

"For first dates, I always made sure I was meeting people in a public place. I was definitely nervous about the first few dates, and the very first one I went on was kind of strange. I met him at a hotel bar lobby after I went on an interview for a corporate job. We got a drink at the Hyatt next to Grand Central, and we just talked about what I wanted to do with my career. He was very normal, nothing to write home about, and nothing to be scared of. But it was a little awkward, and I think he could feel it, too. He gave me $200 in 'cab money,' quote, unquote, but after that I didn’t hear from him."

Can you tell me about your first arrangement?

"I first met him for a drink at Rockefeller Center, and we hit it off. I don’t like talking about arrangements face-to-face, because it’s uncomfortable for me, so we had a normal date, and he gave me $50 after the date — actual cab money. We then texted about it afterward to discuss what the terms would be. He asked me what I was expecting, and I said I would probably want around $1,000 per date. I had read blogs and Googled it, and he said okay. I thought I had given him too low a number. But we agreed on that, and I started meeting up with him every other week or so at a hotel to sleep with him, and he would give me $1,000.

"He was completely normal personality-wise and not creepy. He lived in Westchester but slept in the city a lot because of work. In the end, I cut it off because he told me he was married. He told me he wasn’t married in the beginning, but he was so discreet. Like, I didn't like being seen in public with the guys from Seeking Arrangement, but he was more secretive than I was. I was 22, he was maybe 42, and if we had been seen together it wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but he acted like it would be. So I asked him if he was married, and he said, 'Are you going to hate me if I tell you the truth?' And I was like, well, that tells me the truth.

"That was me realizing why he was normal. I’ve come to learn that most of the socially normal ones are married."

Tell me about the other men you met.

"There was another guy who I sort of developed feelings for. He was a film producer, and he was bi-coastal, around 40. It was very, very natural for us, and after a while, I asked him to stop giving me money because it felt weird. It felt like he was my real friend, and we even went away a couple of times together. But he kind of ghosted me, and I haven’t heard from him in a year.

"There were also just a lot of people who wouldn’t give you a real name, and you couldn’t really track them down. One time, this guy I met over coffee Ubered me to his apartment. He told me he was going to give me $2,000, and that he had some weird PayPal account. I gave him my email but never got the money. I felt completely used and humiliated, and I texted him like 500 times afterward. This was a younger guy, too — so I kept wondering, 'Why couldn’t you just go out and find a girlfriend?' That was the one time I felt really stupid."

That's horrible. Was this early on?

"Yeah, it was early on, and that was the only time it happened. I never accepted PayPal again — it was just cash that was the safest. And no later payments."

It seems like you view this more as sex work than the other sugar babies. Is that true?

"I would agree that this is sex work. I’m not against sex work — I think it should be legal. And yes, sites like Seeking Arrangement could empower sex workers, because they can choose their own clients and decide how far they want to go. But in general, sex work would be safer if these men couldn’t be so anonymous."

How much have you made off the platform?

"I made over $100,000 in the three years I was doing it on and off. After getting on Seeking Arrangement, I quit my retail job and focused just on that for two months. I was making around $12,000 a month.

"In addition to that, there was one guy who gave me $25,000, and I only met him three times ever. But he gave it to me all at once in three separate bank transfers. It’s crazy. I met him when I was working at the shoe store. We got a drink at a hotel bar, then we had a date at a hotel and we had sex, and he gave me $1,500. After that, we were just texting, and I told him how I really wanted to leave my job, but I couldn't find a way out because my confidence was low, and I had no money — even though I did, I was just spending it all. He was like, 'Okay, I’ll give you a break. I’ll take care of you until you find out what you want to do in life. How about I give you $25,000? Would that be okay for you to take a couple months off?'

"So he transferred me the money, and we met up two times after that, and we never met up again. I know it sounds unbelievable — it was the least amount of work I’ve ever had to do. I Googled him, and he’s a billionaire or something, which makes sense. He didn’t seem to really care at all.

"That was the time when I started shopping like crazy."

How did sugar babying affect your spending habits?

"Growing up, I was never poor. I grew up in an upper-middle-class family, but my parents were always strict with me, and I had a jealousy problem with my friends who had more than I did. When I finally had all this money, I just went to Saks and Barneys and spent thousands of dollars, because I had a job that was paying me a base salary, and then I was making money on top of it. So I would just spend it all. I liked the feeling of going into a store and being able to buy whatever I wanted. I used to have daydreams about that as a kid.

What would you buy?

"I got a Chanel Boy Bag, and that was like $5,200. I have a YSL bag, some really nice shoes and clothes that I don’t wear. I would just go shopping and feel this high. I'd get stuff I didn’t need, and it would end up sitting in my closet.

"I did have a desire to stop, though. I wanted to stop. I decided to start looking for a new job, and someone told me to make sure my social media was okay before I started looking. But instead of worrying about social media, I was more worried about Seeking Arrangement. So I decided to make a guy’s profile, just to see if I could find myself, and it was really scary because I found myself right away. I couldn’t have messaged myself, but I could see everyone — I even recognized one or two people I’ve met in real life. It was alarming. So then I deleted my profile, and I’m still not on it."

Did you have trouble adjusting to life after Seeking Arrangement?

"When I stopped using the site, it was a sudden change in lifestyle, and I didn’t really know how to stop shopping. I didn’t save any of the money, either — I had a couple thousand saved but that went away quickly.

I’ve definitely managed my shopping a little more since then. I’m much more careful when I’m making these purchases, though. I guess I have more a conscience when I’m shopping for anything that is outside my price range because I know that money is not going to be replaced until my next paycheck comes. But I’m not going to cushion it anymore — I’ve realized that I don’t really need that cushion, even though I'm not saving anything."

What was the most expensive thing you bought recently?

"I haven’t spent more than $400 or $500 on a single item in a year. The nicest thing I bought recently was a pair of Chloe shoes, and even though I wasn’t actually in a place to buy them financially, and I probably shouldn’t have, it felt good that they were mine. Like, truly mine."

Truly yours? Did it feel different when you were shopping with Seeking Arrangement money?

"When I was on Seeking Arrangement, I could throw money in the air, and it wouldn’t matter because I could just make it back. But it feels better now when I buy things for myself because I don’t have to think about how I was able to buy them. Sometimes, when I was on Seeking Arrangement, I would think to myself, 'If this salesperson ever knew how I got this money...' It would make me feel really sh--ty about myself afterward. Buying those things felt really good when it happened, but now when I look at that Chanel bag, I just think of all these men."

It sounds like you regret doing it.

"I do feel regret. I needed to find a passion on my own and succeed independently, and I feel like I lost sight of that over the past few years, because it steered me away from my career goal. Like, sometimes, you believed that these sugar daddies were being a mentor and really trying to help you. But all these men were just objectifying you."

What do you mean?

"I went on a couple dates with this guy who was very into being a mentor and loved giving interview advice. We didn’t do anything sexual, and he kept saying he would introduce me to this person and this person and this person, saying he would get me a job. But he never followed through with any of the connections. It made the whole thing feel phony to me, and it can bring down your confidence a little bit. It makes you feel like you need a guy to push you further in your career when you could really probably do it yourself.

"Like, they’re good at giving interview advice, but nobody is really going to save me, and I shouldn’t think that they’re going to."

Do you wish you had done anything differently?

"If I could talk to myself back then, I would tell her to do it, but when she gets $25,000 to save it, get a job right away, and not be a crazy spending person. Do it for a very brief period of time, and then stop right away.

"I have this secret now that I’m bottling up a little bit, and I wish I had gone about life the normal way. Not the normal way, but just in a way that empowered me a little bit more. I feel like I gave up on my career so early — I wanted to work in fashion — just because I was working in retail after graduation. I don't know why I gave up on that so quickly."

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• Blake Lively recently said that she doesn't have a stylist and prefers to dress herself.
• She often works directly with designers for custom pieces or requests the looks she sees at fashion shows, planning her outfits for large events many months in advance.
• "Probably because I have control issues and a big ego — that's probably the honest answer."

Blake Lively does all of her own styling, which is a rare occurrence in Hollywood where most celebrities hire someone to source all of their looks for major events. Instead, Lively prefers to do it herself. "Probably because I have control issues and a big ego — that's probably the honest answer," Lively explained at a Barneys x Tod's event in New York on Thursday, Women's Wear Daily reports.

However, Lively admitted that she doesn't do it completely solo. She often works directly with designers for custom pieces or have an assistant help her make calls and request the looks she sees at fashion shows. When you are your own stylist, you have to think ahead, apparently — at least by about two months. Lively already has her Met Gala look in the works.

According to People, this year's dress is her all-time favorite out of Lively's past Met Gala dresses. "They've already worked on it for 600 hours, and it's not done," she told People. "I just sent Lorraine Schwartz and Christian Louboutin my dress, and said, 'OK let's do something special,'" she told WWD. "They're making something custom for it. So it's kind of nice, because I have a bunch of artists around me who I have direct relationships with. It's sort of a group effort with that. I rely on people who do that for a living rather than outsourcing it to someone else."

She didn't go into any more detail about the dress, but we already know she has an impeccable sense of style. "I love design and I love fashion and it's a way to be creative," Lively said to Women's Wear Daily. Rather than hiring someone to painstakingly curate her looks, Lively gets more involved with the big picture while leaving the details to her team — basically, living the fashion dream.

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• "Deadpool 2" will be released on May 18 and new trailers have been dropping left and right.
• Ryan Reynolds, who brings the superhero to life onscreen, loves to incorporate Deadpool references into his everyday life.
• The movie's most recent trailer does the opposite, when Reynolds' character references the "Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants" franchise — which stars the actor's wife, Blake Lively.

Deadpool's self-aware, sarcastic, and tongue-in-cheek style is what's had people so excited for the sequel coming out on May 18, but the most recent trailer for the superhero comedy might have just had its most meta moment yet. Following the initial teaser starring Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) as Bob Ross, Thursday's full trailer finally gives a detailed look at what to expect from this summer blockbuster which, it turns out, has a lot to say about "Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants."

While most of the trailer re-introduces us to old faces, it also brings out some new ones for the formation of "X Force," a group made up of "tough, morally flexible" heroes "young enough to carry their own franchise for four to 10 years."

However, the funniest moment comes near the end, when Reynolds-as-Deadpool says, "Doing the right thing is messy, but if you want to fight for what's right, sometimes you have to fight dirty. And that is why 'Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants' is pure pornography."

This would amusing on its own, but it's made doubly hilarious when you remember that Blake Lively, Reynolds' wife, starred in "Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants" 1 and 2. This mention is basically a cameo for Lively, who has been busy filming "A Simple Favor" and "The Rhythm Section." We're still holding out for these two to team up again since they both starred in "Green Lantern," but if this is the beginning of a trend of the two shading each other in their movies, then we're just as on board with that as well.

Watch the "Deadpool 2" trailer, and catch the joke, below!

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• Soon after her 26th birthday, Heron Abegaze had what she calls a "quarter-life crisis" when she realized how much interest was accumulating on her student debt.
• Abegaze convinced her boyfriend that they should stop making only minimum payments and instead make paying off both of their debt a priority.
• Less than three years later they had paid off their combined debt of nearly $162,000.

Earlier this month, Heron Abegaze (29) and Elijah Bankole (30), put a new spin on "couple goals" after Abegaze's Instagram post about paying off their debt went viral. After three years of saving like it's an Olympic sport, the Twin Cities duo wiped out nearly $162,000 of credit card debt, car loans, and student loan payments, in what seems like record time — a feat impressive enough to earn Abegaze a Boomerang happy dance.

"Throwing thousands of dollars a month at debt, declining invites from friends and family, driving a mediocre car, and some of the other sacrifices we had to make took a bit of getting use to," Abegaze shared in her post. "However, it was worth every sacrifice to watch what was once a dream of being debt-free become a reality."

Ahead, the couple tells Refinery29 why they made such a drastic decision, how they did made it happen, and the nuances of navigating money as a couple.

Debt Repayment Plan Start Date: May 11, 2015
Debt Amount: $154,947
End Date: March 10, 2018 — 34 months, start to finish
Total Amount Paid Off: $161,842.29 — including interest that accumulated, mostly on the student loans.

What inspired you to pay off this debt so aggressively?

Heron Abegaze: "In the winter of 2015, I had just turned 26 and was in my last years of grad school. I knew Elijah and I both had student loan debt, but I didn't really realize the magnitude of it until I logged in and looked at exactly how much I was going to spend after interest."

"I basically had a quarter-life crisis. It wasn't like we couldn't handle it: We always made our minimum payments; I was working full-time and going to grad school; and Elijah had a full-time job and was paying his minimum payments. But I realized how much interest had accumulated in [a relatively short] period of time. I started thinking about how much more we would pay if we continued making the standard, minimum payments for 10 years."

"I created all these Excel spreadsheets, and doing a bunch of research, and I came across this girl who finished grad school and moved to D.C., and had written a blog about how she managed to pay off about $90,000 of her student loans in three years. Her boyfriend also managed to save $75,000 for a down payment during that time. They technically took care of $165,000 in three years — and they made less money than us and live in an expensive city. So I brought up the idea to Elijah, and it took us about five months to start our debt-free journey."

How did you feel about Heron's idea, Elijah?

Elijah Bankole:"I remember it very vividly: It was a Friday night; she came home, freaking out; and we sat down with her Excel spreadsheets. I felt — especially compared to our peers — that we were doing fantastic. There's a saying that goes, 'Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good,' and in my eyes, we were doing fine. We weren't late with our credit card or our loan payments, so to me, it was so unnecessary and extreme."

"It took about five months of her consistently saying, 'It would just be better. Imagine us not having any of this debt, having all our loans paid off, and not making these payments. Think of what we could do in the long run.'"

What were your base salaries and how much did you earn from your side hustles?

HA:"When we started, with my side hustle and our income, we were making six figures — about $110,000 (before taxes and deductions). I got rid of my side hustle to start planning our wedding; after that and with increases, we were earning around $150,000. Another big thing was tax returns. We never spent our tax returns on anything except debt, and any bonuses we got or any raises we got were put toward debt."

Once both of you were on board, how did you get started? Did you hire a financial advisor or anything?

HA:"One of the things I discovered in my research was a lot of YouTube channels of people using Dave Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps to becoming debt free and building wealth. We also found a couple of people on YouTube who lived on one income. (If you're lucky enough to have a two-income household, you pretend you only have one income and use that other income to focus on paying off your debt.)

"So, a lot of the information we used was free. I bought one Dave Ramsey book and watched a lot of YouTube. We did buy "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," but to be honest, I never read any of the books — at all. Elijah did all the reading, and I did all the YouTubing."

EB:"Heron did all the research and discovery, and I became obsessed, very quickly."

What made you become obsessed when at first you were so reluctant?

EB:"When the light bulb went off in my head, I realized we didn't really need to live on two incomes. We weren't overspending per se, but if we became more watchful of how we were spending our money, it seemed like it could make a difference. I read that Dave Ramsey book, "Total Money Makeover," and started buying other financial books to better understand money. My obsessiveness came from seeing what we could do with our future if we got more intentional."

What were some of the things you realized you could do with that money, individually or as a couple, once you didn't have debt weighing on you?

EB: "I got really excited about seeing that if we got intentional with our money, got out of debt, and could get good with our investments, we wouldn't have to strain ourselves. We could set ourselves up to choose what we want to do versus being forced to do things.

"Another thing Dave Ramsey preaches is 'Baby Step 7: Being able to freely give to family and to others that are in need.' Those were the top two things that got me really excited about getting out of debt and getting into a good financial position."

HA: "For me, it was about having freedom to do what you want with your time, and to really have options open to you. We are both blessed to have jobs and careers that we do love and are passionate about, but we don't know where life will take us in the future. Anything can happen. I wanted to take care of our debt so that if we changed our minds and move someplace else, or out of the country, or changed our careers — whatever the opportunity may be — we wouldn't have to think twice about it.

"A lot of times, you think, 'Oh, I can't really do this. I have student loans and I can't up and leave or quit my job because I have monthly payments.' Just having more freedom and opportunities is what I had in mind."

Whose income were you living on, and how much were you saving?

HA: "When we first started, we were living on Elijah's income and putting my income toward the debt. I had a full-time job and a side hustle and so did Elijah, but we weren't using his side-hustle [money] to put toward the debt. On average, we lived on about $2,400 a month — that included our minimum debt payments and living expenses. We allowed ourselves to have an allowance — $50 every other week — to help us stay motivated.

"We labeled all of our accounts: Housing expenses would go into our checking account, and our 'snowball' money — all of the extra income we had — would go into that another account. At the end of each month, whatever we had left in that snowball account would go straight toward debt. At the beginning, we usually transferred that 'snowball' money to debt every other week because we didn't want any extra money in our account — just so we didn't get tempted. Then, once we got the hang of things, we started doing it once a month. We also had budgeting meetings, usually weekly, to check in with each other. And every month, we would look at how we did."

Did your relationship to money change through this process?

HA: "Yeah. For me, that five months that I had time to research and bug Elijah gave me time to reflect, and think about how I spend money, and track my spending. I had a busy life: I was working full-time at multiple jobs, and I was in grad school, so I didn't have any time to think about what I was buying. I was operating on autopilot and would just buy something because it was convenient, or swipe my card without even thinking about why I needed things.

"A big moment for me was a time that I bought a shirt. I had already bought the same shirt a few months before, but I lost it somewhere in my pile of clothes. I realized that I was not paying attention to what I have. I wasn't being strategic about how I was spending my money, in part because I didn't really have time to think about it. So when we started doing those budgeting sessions and reviewing how much we were spending on certain things, I began to calculate the impact. I began to think more minimally — and I was OK having a minimalist lifestyle."

Was any of this hard? You were able to be so honest with each other and that can be difficult when it comes to money. Did you have any embarrassment with each other about how you were handling money, or discomfort if you told other people?

HA: "My parents knew the details of my student loans, so I didn't have any problems talking to them about it. Amongst my friends, we talk about having student loans but not really the details of it. It wasn't necessarily embarrassment, but I did notice that people are not really willing to talk about debt. It's like this taboo topic — debt and how much money you make.

"In terms of embarrassment with each other, not really. We've been together for a long time — we met in college. Elijah and I kind of grew up together, so there was nothing really to hide even if we wanted to. I grew up in a household that was really transparent about finances and money.

"There was one thing that I was constantly irritated by when we had our weekly or monthly budgeting meetings… Let's just say I like coffee. I have a problem! I'm pretty sure I'm funding someone's education at Starbucks. This is embarrassing, but I was spending $125 - $150 on coffee every month. Elijah was like, 'Uh… I cannot relate to this,' and at the time, I'd say, 'Oh, leave me alone.' That, for me, was such a touchy topic. I felt like I was being audited! I would try to justify it by saying, 'I needed it! I worked 12 hours!' But in reflection, that could be a car payment. The opportunity to sit back and really think about my spending gave me time to be more intentional."

EB: "$150 sounds like a lot now, but it was just so normal then. I was spending about the same on other things, so at least coffee has some kind of function."

In your Instagram post, Heron, you mentioned turning down invitations from friends. Did they think you two were being extreme?

EB: "I think a lot of our friends had the same mentality that we had — that we were fine. The ones who knew us [well] knew that we weren't struggling to make ends meet so they didn't really understand it."

"I remember a few times Heron would come home and mention that her friends would kind of laugh at her when she'd say, 'I have to talk to Elijah to see how much we can afford for me to go out to happy hour or for dinner.' They'd look at her like, 'Really…? You have to ask Elijah?' People kind of struggled with that, but overall, a lot of our friends thought it was OK, even if they didn't see the need for it.

"But once we did our first social media sharing of what we were doing, [that changed]. People who knew we were trying to pay off our debt would say, 'Oh, that's cool,' but I don't think anyone believed we would get it done. We made a post at our one-year mark and shared that we had paid off about $80,000, and that's when people said, 'Whoa. You guys are really doing this,' and they really became supportive."

When you started this project, did you have a goal and a timeline in mind to pay everything off, or were you just thinking: As fast as we can?

EB:"When we sat down and calculated it, based on how much we were making then and how much we thought we could put in with our side hustles and all of that. Our goal date was March 30, 2018. We thought if we got really intentional and really stayed on budget, even if we had some not-so-great months, March 30, 2018 was the goal.

HA:"Also, during that time, we were engaged and planning our wedding, so we ended up having to stop doing our debt-free journey in the middle for a little bit to pay for our wedding and went back to paying the minimums. So we could have finished earlier."

Looking back, what are some of the lessons you learned?

HA:"One lesson is that communication and transparency are key. We started this when we were about a year into our engagement, and one of the things my parents did is sit us down and say, 'We're happy that you got engaged, but you really need to live together and figure out this whole student loan thing. When you get married, his debt is going to become yours, and your debt is going to become his.'"

"At that point, we were just like, 'Yeah, yeah,' because we were focused on planning our wedding. Then when we stopped and talked about it, we realized it was so important — not to just talk about it and say, 'I guess I have debt,' but to write down how much debt we had currently and be transparent about it. Maybe a meeting is too much for some people, but at least sit down, grab coffee or wine or whatever, and really look at it."

EB: "It makes so much sense to me why money is the number-one reason for divorce. I feel so blessed that I found out all these great things about Heron, and to have a wife who cares about the future. If your biggest issue is coffee, that's totally fine. Listen to your wife. What I came to learn about this process is that when you're willing to work together as a team and you come together in one accord, great things can happen. The communication, the transparency, the sacrifice — none of that feels so hard when you're on the same page."

"Like Heron mentioned before, we agreed that I would be the person to log into our bank account, but it took transparency and being on the same page for my wife to say from day one, 'Here's my account number. Once the check comes in, here's my login. Here's my social security number. Here's my password' — and from then on, we never questioned it. Every paycheck, I'd joke that she was essentially working for free because once the money hit her account, I was in there Friday morning and putting it toward our debt account."

"For us, that wasn't really a big deal. Once we said we were going to do this, we hit it hard. It's when we talked to our friends that we realized, Wow, this is kind of abnormal — that we're this transparent.So among other things for me, I think the ability to really work together is a lesson I learned. We've applied the things that we've learned here to other parts of our relationship — the sacrifice, the communication, the transparency. It becomes a lot easier when you can do something like that with your finances."

Most married couples or couples in general would like to have that trust but that can take time. Both men and women can be taken advantage of financially in relationships, but I think there's a lot of discussion about women making sure that they maintain control over their finances. And in a sense, Heron, you relinquished some of that. How did you make that work?

HA: "That's a great question. One of the things that was really important was that it wasn't me saying, 'Hey, here's my login and password. Go for it.' It was sitting together and having a shared plan and goal that kept both of us in mind, rather than just having one person's goal in mind. Developing that plan and that goal together to determine where we wanted to go as a team was incentive enough — we both had an incentive to participate in the plan, instead of just one person leading it. I was so patient, and I waited for Elijah at the beginning. I didn't want to force my ideas on him, though I could have said, 'We're doing this!' five months prior when it first occurred to me. I wanted this to be something that we co-created and co-led."

"Another thing is, yeah, he had my login and my password to be able to distribute the money, but I also had a role: I took the money that was leftover, and I was responsible for paying off the debt. We both had access to each other's accounts and we had a joint account together, but to maintain a sense of individuality, we had our own individual accounts."

Earlier, you mentioned the idea of being "fortunate" enough to have a two-income family. Do you think this would have been possible to accomplish if you were single? 

HA:"The hardest part about this is sitting down and being honest with yourself and with your partner. Before we started this journey, we lived together, and we were engaged, but we had separate accounts and separate finances. The only things we shared were bills. We also had separate plans: He had a five-year plan to be debt free, and so did I. I started creating my own plan before I included Elijah's income. I think it's important to do that, and I don't necessarily think it's impossible [if you're single]. Knowing my debt, my income, and what I was willing to cut out of my extra spending motivated me to get a side hustle, and I was able to bring in extra income that way."

What are you looking forward to doing with the money you have now?

EB: "When we started this, I would tell my buddies, 'Man, I can't wait until the weekend we're done to just go somewhere!' But the truth is, after saving money for so long, it's really hard to just go out and start spending. Like Heron said, since we became debt free, nothing has really changed in regard to our saving or spending mentality.

"Our plan right now is to continue to save for the future, and our next big goal is purchasing a house in the next few months, so we're pretty excited about that. But beyond that, frugality has kind of grown on us and is a normal way of living. We're going to take our feet off the brakes a little and probably give ourselves a room with our allowances, but beyond that, we're living fine. We'll continue to save and invest for the future, and hopefully enjoy life a little bit — maybe travel more."

SEE ALSO: Here's how much money you should save at every age so you aren't working forever

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• A 29-year-old woman works in advertising in Cape Town, South Africa.
• She makes $23,150 a year and only pays $200 a month for the apartment she owns.
• Most of her money goes toward food and drinks — but she splurges on a designer dress.

Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.

Today: a digital account manager working in advertising who makes $23,150 per year and spends some of her paycheck this week on Diet Coke. Editor's note: All prices have been converted to U.S. dollars.

Occupation: Digital Account Manager
Industry: Advertising
Age: 29
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Salary: $23,150
Paycheck (1x/month): $1,611, after compulsory tax and unemployment fund deductions
Freelance Work: ~$400/month
Flatmate's Rent: $400/month

Monthly Expenses

Housing: $200 (I am extremely fortunate to own a small apartment, which is pretty unusual in this city, where property prices are sky high. I paid for it in full a few years ago using money I inherited. My only housing expenses now are the levies I pay for the building and my parking spot. I also have a flatmate, who pays me $400 in rent every month. This covers most of my home-related expenses.)
Credit Card Loan: $167
Student Loan: $0. (I inherited money from a relative, which was designated for travel and study.)
Utilities: ~$83
Internet: $43 
Health Insurance: $159 for my private medical aid and gap cover. (Our public healthcare system is almost always overwhelmed, and it's normal to have private medical aid if you can afford it.) 
Gym Membership: $135 for two memberships. (One membership is through my medical aid and works on a points system. If I achieve all my fitness goals in a month, I am refunded the full amount.)
Cell Phone: $33
Retirement Fund: $210, directly deposited each month.

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• Food sensitivities and allergies can have some similar symptoms, but are very different conditions.
• Allergies can be life-threatening and intolerances usually aren't.
• You can usually eat quite a bit of a food to which you're intolerant before having a reaction, but just a few bites of a food that you're allergic to. 
• Here's how to tell if your reaction is a food sensitivity or an allergy.

Warring with an upset stomach after enjoying a cheese plate isn't just disappointing — it can be flat-out confusing. On the one hand, you may have an allergy to dairy, but maybe you're just lactose intolerant. Unfortunately, those conditions are not created equal, so knowing what sets them apart is important.

The big distinction? Allergies can be life-threatening and intolerances usually aren't, says Carla McGuire Davis, MD, associate professor of pediatrics in immunology, allergy, and rheumatology at Baylor College of Medicine. That's why you can usually eat quite a bit of a food to which you're intolerant before having a reaction, while just a few bites of a food that you're allergic to can set you off. 

Hopefully, you already know if you have a life-threatening food allergy (and keep an EpiPen or another type of injectable epinephrine handy). But, even non-fatal allergies can be severe — and they're still important to diagnose and manage, Dr. Davis says. And part of that management is watching out for changes in how your body reacts to certain foods. Unfortunately, it's possible to develop a food allergy well into adulthood.

That isn't where the differences between an allergy and intolerance end, though. While an allergy activates your immune system, an intolerance doesn't. For example, if you're lactose intolerant, that simply means your body doesn't have the necessary enzymes to digest dairy properly, which leads to diarrhea or an upset stomach anywhere from a half hour to two hours after ingesting the food. It sure isn't pleasant, but you can normally ride it out without any additional treatment.

But an allergic reaction usually involves more of a whole-body response within minutes or a few hours after eating and can include such symptoms as hives, swelling, itching, difficulty breathing, wheezing, dizziness, fainting, stomach pain, vomiting, diarrhea, or drops in blood pressure. You might experience just one of these symptoms, or a combination of a few of them, Dr. Davis says. Plus, she adds, even mild allergic reactions may warrant treatment, which may mean keeping an antihistamine like Benadryl in your bag.

If you think you may have a food allergy but aren't sure, don't play a guessing game with your symptoms (and certainly don't cut a whole group of foods out of your diet forever on a hunch). A board-certified allergist may be able to identify your problem through a skin or blood test, but neither of these are 100% accurate.

If you take both tests and they come up with inconclusive results, your allergist may recommend an oral food challenge instead, in which you slowly eat a certain food in increasingly larger portions while your allergist observes your symptoms. Only once your doctor diagnoses the trigger of your allergy should you start avoiding a food completely (though it's probably a good idea to avoid the food until you see your doctor).

Bottom line? If you feel symptoms that could be attributed to a food allergy or intolerance, talk to your doctor as soon as you can, and they can help you figure out what's going on. It may sound like a pain to check these things out, but leading a cheese- or shrimp-free lifestyle will be well worth it if you end up feeling better.

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• The International Business Times recently reported that Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are "struggling to spend quality time" together. 
• In his typically sarcastic fashion, Reynolds took to Twitter to respond to the rumors.
• "I wish. I could use a little more 'me time.'"

Rumors of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's marriage demise have been greatly exaggerated, says Ryan Reynolds. The "Deadpool" star shut down rumors of an imminent divorce, but he did it in his characteristic dry humor on Twitter.

Reynolds responded to a news article, claiming that him and Lively are "struggling to spend quality time" together. "I wish," he wrote. "I could use a little 'me time.'" The implication, of course, being that the Hollywood couple spends so much time together, they need a break from spousal cabin fever, lest we have an Overlook Hotel-type situation. We feel you, Reynolds: as much as we love our significant others, sometimes we want a night alone to eat chocolate-covered strawberries while watching "90 Day Fiancé." In a brightening face mask, naturally.

The original article, from the International Business Times, quotes an unnamed source from OK! magazine as the rumor seed. And like a seed, it germinated into a tangled web of rumors that seemed to suggest that Reynolds and Lively were headed for divorce. First of all, not only is their marriage totally not our business, but the couple is one of the happiest ones on the red carpet. They're always photographed smiling and hugging and being adorable. Sure, it could be an act, but Reynolds is specifically telling us to ignore such gossip. Reynolds and Lively are so happily married that even Taylor Swift adores it.

Reynolds is active on Twitter and enjoys using the platform to be his most idiosyncratic self. He regularly responds to sexual come-ons, whether sincere or Russian bot spam, with jokes about his mundane life. Reynolds' tweets about Lively are hilariously meant to snub her, but always in laughably good fun. In 2016, he wished Lively a happy birthday by writing, "Just want to wish Billy Ray Cyrus the most special, magical birthday ever. I love you with all my heart. Also, Happy Birthday to my wife," on Twitter, and we lost it. His crowning jewel, however, may be this viral gem in which he wished Lively another happy birthday, this time including a photo of her body half cropped out of the frame. If their relationship can survive Reynolds' savage tweets, it can survive anything.

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